Husband picks up some steaks to ruin for dinner

FALLBROOK, CA – Local husband and father Hank Parsons stopped by the grocery store today on his way home “to pick up some steaks to spoil for dinner,” household sources confirmed Let’s go.

“Hey, honey, I’m at Stater Bros.,” he told his wife over the phone, according to witnesses. “I’m just going to grab a few sirloin steaks and maybe a bone-in rib-eye steak that’s absolutely burnt before I decide to order takeout.”

Parsons carefully selected steaks from the meat section of the supermarket, examining the marbling, look, feel and texture of each steak which he would later roast completely into an unrecognizable piece of black charcoal, forcing the family to look for other food options.

“Yeah, that one looks good,” he said, holding one of the sirloin steaks he allegedly failed to marinate properly, set to the wrong temperature after struggling to light the charcoal briquettes and left on the grill for 37 minutes as long. “The perfect steak. I can’t wait to open a cold one and completely destroy this guy.”

At the time of publication, Parsons was seen carefully choosing which vegetables he forgot and leaving in the fridge for three weeks before throwing them away.

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Dino S. Williams