Tuesday, April 01, 2008

10 ways to misuse a DB

Tom wrote:
"Mr Bish, 10 ways to misuse a DB.
That we can look out for in our own lives.
And make it funny."
I don't like writing to demand. And, I'm not sure I can do funny.
For funny see SteffyB.

1. Make a paper airplane out of it. Style over content.
Use it as a checklist before having coffee with people. Stay pure at all costs and never be seen meeting people who don't agree with all of it, and of course never read anything that isn't DB-compliant.
3. Begrudge signing it when asked. Take great offence that you should be asked to sign it. Yes, you, a humble author, evangelist, officer of the church, Head of the Commonwealth, Supreme Governor of the Church of England, Duke of Normandy, Lord of Mann, and Paramount Chief of Fiji...
4. Claim allegiance to a confession of faith and then kick out the people who affirm it whilst giving a platform to those who don't.
5. Make a big deal of saying things like 'I'm no theologian' so that other Christians think that sound doctrine is the kind of thing they should avoid at all costs, like the plague and Heathrow Terminal 5. Alternatively, only ever speak using technical theological jargon. This achieves the same effect.
6. Remember that Doctrines are like springs in a trampoline that can be removed at no great cost. Always keep things flexible and fresh and relevant to this generation.
7. Don't let the content of the DB get anywhere near your worship. Worship should be kept simple not complicated. Who ever got affected by something so impenetrable as 'The Trinity'? Alternatively chant the doctrinal basis every morning, that's what happens at UCCF Staff Conference, right?
8. Keep doctrine for "mature Christians", and never for non-Christians.
9. Remember that people who make a fuss about doctrine are narrow. You don't want to be narrow so sign a DB if absolutely necessary but then avoid any reference to it. Ministry is about people not pieces of paper! Contra, point 2.
10. Remember that 'semper reformanda' means you have to keep changing what you believe. Alternatively, insist that the Nicene Creed is the only useful DB cos it's old.